tasteless jokes

This is a site for discussion of...well, everything! Only members can post, send private messages, and otherwise join in on the fun - but registration is free, So why wait? Sign up today and post away!

[Turtle]

You know it's time to shave your beard when you can't be sure where the 3 inch dark curly hair in your tobacco pouch came from. 

[Turtle]

If watermelons are full of water, what are kumquats full of?   

Q: Why do Scvottsmen wear kilts?
A: 'Cause the sound of zippers scares the sheep. 

[DougF]

The penguin joke, see link.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8lxZFL4sfY
.
.
..
.
.

[Turtle]

Oh dear Lord! My belly aches; I think I blew a seal.  That monkey can sure tell a joke.

The penguin joke, see link.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8lxZFL4sfY
.
.
..
.
.

[Rac]

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

[Rac]

I lost my virginity to a retard last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

[Rac]

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.

When he finished it, he said, "quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

When it was gone, he said, "quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."

"That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed. "Oh shit, it's started."   

[Rac]

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

[iViolet]

jeez, i must have read the sheep joke at least five times before it finally got it. *slaps forehead*


great stuff rac.

[paddbear]

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
 'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'
 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'
 A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

[Tags:]

PostMagnet > Main forums > Jokes and riddles > Topic: tasteless jokes